Ian’s Story

A Final Goodbye

“Love ya, Mom.”

“I love you too, Ian.”

A simple exchange yet one we often shared. That was our last conversation on the morning of that summer day – July 22, 2023. When we spoke those words there was such peace and joy in his voice – it filled my heart instantly with his love. That final morning began like so many others, with his characteristic thoughtfulness as he made breakfast for Jim and I and talked about his plans to attend San Marcos University in the fall. He was even scheduling appointments to tour a few rooms to rent over the next few days. Those precious last words came as he was driving to the gym, or at least that’s where he said he was going. A simple exchange of love that unbeknownst to me would become our final conversation.

A Life Full of Light

Ian was just 21 when he lost his life to suicide after a courageous two and a half year battle with mental illness. Our son was intelligent, funny, deeply thoughtful, and incredibly kind. He made people feel seen. Whether you were a close friend or a stranger, Ian had a quiet way of making others feel safe, heard, and understood. His presence was comforting—he was our heart, and he was deeply loved.

Ian wasn’t just kind — he was deeply, intentionally kind. The kind of person who made you feel like you were the only one in the room. He had a quiet way of making people feel safe to be exactly who they were, without judgment. He listened with his whole heart, laughed with his whole soul, and loved with every ounce of himself.

He was compassionate, creative, curious, and fiercely present. Ian connected with people in a way that was effortless and real. He saw beyond appearances and into the truth of someone’s spirit. He didn’t just make you feel noticed — he made you feel known. He once asked me on a facetime call as I’m in the kitchen preparing Thanksgiving dinner if he could have my undivided attention, a very rare request coming from a 20 year old young man. So of course I stopped what I was doing and went outside, sat down and truly connected with our conversation and our hearts.

And of course, he had his quirks. Ian could be wonderfully silly, and he had a way of making us laugh with the most random, unexpected things he would do. He brought humor and joy into our lives — and yes, like any good little brother, he had his moments of driving his siblings a little crazy. But it was just that normal, lovable, sibling stuff — and even the annoying moments are precious now.

He lived in the moment — and he reminded all of us how to slow down, breathe, and appreciate the beauty in simple things: a good song, a quiet hike, a meaningful conversation, a shared smile.

Ian brought people together without even trying. And even now… especially now… he continues to do that.

His spirit is the heartbeat of Hope With I.A.N. — and everything we’re building is rooted in the kind of love he gave so freely.

The Beginning of His Mental Health Journey

His mental health journey began in 2020 with an unexpected and frightening shift in his behavior. We were suddenly navigating emergency rooms, psychiatric hospitals, and unfamiliar diagnoses. Our family became researchers, caregivers, and fierce advocates—trying to make sense of a system that too often lacked clarity, compassion, and continuity.

Ian’s first psychotic episode was triggered by cannabis use—something we only came to fully understand much later. He wasn’t a heavy user; like many high school kids, he was simply experimenting. What we didn’t realize and what so many young people still don’t know is how vulnerable the adolescent brain is, and how today’s high-potency THC marijuana can lead to devastating and lasting consequences. There is a critical lack of education around these risks, and that gap is putting lives like Ian’s at risk.

Despite everything, Ian kept moving forward. He returned to college. He studied abroad in Spain, made new friends, and explored Europe with joy. He was resilient. He was hopeful. He was trying.

Another Setback

But in late 2022, Ian experienced another setback. Although we can’t be sure, it’s possible that cannabis use contributed once again. At this time he was studying abroad in Jaen, Spain when we began noticing familiar patterns in his behavior – warning signs that deeply concerned us. Jim and I flew to Spain to assess the situation firsthand. Once there, it became clear that Ian was experiencing another episode, and we flew him home immediately to once again search for help and begin treatment. For a while, there were glimmers of the Ian we knew—his humor, his warmth, and his hope as he made plans for the future.

July 22, 2023

Then came July 22, 2023.
His death changed everything.

Carrying His Light Forward

We created Hope With I.A.N. to ensure Ian’s life continues to shine light into the world. His story doesn’t end in silence. It continues here—with connection, education, advocacy, and the fierce belief that every person deserves support, and every family deserves hope.